Ed's Review Dot Com

Macari/Edelstein, Parkes+MacDonald Image Nation, Vertigo Entertainment,

Alex Roe-Brown, Matilda Lutz, Aimee Teegarden, Johnny Galecki, David Dorfman

A young couple, Julia (Matilda Lutz) and her boyfriend Holt (Alex Roe-Brown) are just getting used to being apart. Holt is away in Spokane in college, and Julia is left behind in Seattle. But as they are using Skype to connect every evening, one time Holt stops answering calls and in nowhere to be found. This is after he told her he was working on a special project for a noted biology professor. Julia heads to Spokane to look for him, and the two of them get involved in the mystery of a video, that once you watch it, you will die in seven days.

This is a sequel to the 2002 film The Ring which scared the crap out of us back then, and The Ring 2 from 2005. It’s based on an original Japanese story of a girl who was drowned in a well and is seeking release from her prison inside that well. This is a very slick movie, and though it’s a bit far fetched, just like the original, the methods by with they build and build the suspense layer upon layer is really masterful. The primary actors here are excellent, especially Johnny Galecki who play the professor who we will remember from Big Bang Theory. The suspense, especially in the last half hour is really intense. It’s quite shocking, and is rather interesting. I really enjoyed it, and got to see it on a really big screen with excellent sound and it was really creepy. I totally enjoyed this film, and I recommend it for the horror fans out there. If you liked the original, I think this one is just as good if not better, and certainly equivalent to The Ring Two. Nice add to the original tale.

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Magic Lantern, Revolver Picture Company,

Dominic Monaghan, Ksenia Solo, Jennette McCurdy, Nathan Parsons, John Ross Bowie, Da’Vone McDonald, Janet Song

Seth (Dominic Monaghan) spots Holly (Ksenia Solo) on a bus who was a high school crush of his and he is blown away seeing her again. He becomes quickly obsessed with her, and begins tracking her on social media and learning everything about her. Then he starts making random contacts with her and tries to spark conversations with her that are pretty creepy. She rejects him and so he set a plan in place to kidnap her and place her in a cage in the back room in the basement of the animal shelter where he works.

This was a shocking and surprising film. Close to horror, but it’s more of a torture story of someone who is a pure stalker. Holly’s situation is horrible as things escalate and he tries to break her so that she will listen to him and give him the chance he wants so badly. But this story has lots of surprises, and many twists and turns all the way to the very ending which was quite a surprise. The actors in this film were actually really good, and it moved along quickly and was surprisingly entertaining in a train wreck sort of way. The movie is a hard R due to the language and violence, and a very adult situation, but there is essentially no nudity or sexual situations as that’s not what Seth is about at all. It was shocking though, and a very good study of Seth and Holly’s motivations, and several other characters such a Seth’s boss and co-worker who do a really good job as well. This was not a movie that I expected to be nearly as good as it was, and it was a pleasant surprise to find this so enthralling. This is a thriller more than horror, although it is horrific as well. If you can stomach the darkness of this, I recommend this one as one you probably never heard of. It was actually pretty well done.

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Intrepid Pictures, Los Angeles Media Fund (LAMF),

Doug Jones, Douglas Smith, Lucien Laviscount, Cressida Bonas, Carrie-Anne Moss, Faye Dunaway, Michael Trucco, Cleo King, Jenna Kanell, Erica Tremblay

Three college kids rent a house out in the woods at a great price to get out of the dorm. But when they find an old end table, they find scrawled in the bottom of the drawer, the words “Don’t Say It, Don’t Think It. Removing the paper in the bottom of the drawer, they find the words “The Bye Bye Man scratched into the wood. They find out that there is an evil entity who can only appear if people think or say his name, and he’s getting closer and closer. He doesn’t kill, but he causes his victims to see horrible visions and dreams which can make them appear insane or cause them to kill themselves. This new horror film is now in theaters.

This film is looking for a little love, so I’m going to give it some. As you must know by now, I am a horror fan, and I am terribly disappointed when a good concept goes bad. This film is getting scathing comments and empty theaters, but I have to admit I kind of enjoyed it. I have seen so many, many knock-off horror films, but this one is a little bit unique, although obviously it does borrow from films like Candyman and Nightmare on Elm Street. But the actors do a pretty decent job, and the film is fast moving and becomes creepy really quick. It has good sound editing, and the house is really scary in itself. No, this isn’t a fantastic movie, but it was solid and pretty scary, so I’m glad I gave it a chance. With a small role for Faye Dunaway, she added a lot to the film in her limited role. The rest of the cast is less well known, although somewhat recognizable from other roles. So it’s easy to throw hate at this movie, and I’ve seen a lot of warnings not to see it, but I am glad I went. It was a bit different and had enough jumps in it to keep me interested throughout. If you’re a horror fan, give this a try, and see if you don’t agree that it’s not really all that bad.

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Lionsgate, Room 101, Snoot Entertainment,

James Allen McCune, Callie Hernandez, Brandon Scott, Valorie Curry, Corbin Reid, Wes Robinson

Though no one has found the Blair Witch, nor any trace of the girl who disappeared there, a group of college kids think they have a great idea to camp out in the woods and search, using a drone, for a clearing and the house that was in the found footage of the first film. Something, or someone is out there in the woods with them.

I have been dreading watching this film. I saw it released on DVD this week, and was sorely tempted to skip it. But I figured I had a duty to see if there was anything here. Well, my first ideas were right, and I should have skipped it, as should everyone, but especially those who appreciate horror. This isn’t a very good film. First of all, the vast majority of shots in this movie are of leaves, lights, fires, eyes, noses, rocks, etc. I am so tired with the shaky handheld crap and it’s so far past time to stop doing that. If you don’t have any money to make a movie, don’t fall for this trap of making a movie with no budget by using a handheld cheap ass camera and just swinging it around so that nobody can see that you don’t have anything. Truthfully, most of the time is spent on stuff you can’t recognize. Even the so called ending is flashes and glimpses of shaky images that don’t show anything. Secondly it’s mostly dark, which makes it even tougher to see anything, although I admit, there’s nothing scary in that woods in the daytime. Finally, nothing new has happened since the first film almost 20 years ago, as it’s essentially identical in plot to the original. I must admit I have never appreciated the Blair Witch movies, although the first one, when it came out, was really well advertised with a fake website that convinced everyone that this was a true story and on the level. This film can’t do that, and them saying that this poor girls is still wandering around out there is not going to be convincing to anyone who knows about the original. There was just no need to make this movie, and I’m not sure why they even tried. This is the most boring thing I have ever seen. Stay far far away from this one. I warned you!

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Petri Entertainment,

Jere Burns, Scottie Thompson, Matt Angel, Robert Englund, Chasty Ballesteros, Clint Howard, Courtney Gains, E.E. Bell, Renee Dorian, Ben Begley, Candice De Visser,

In a small town there is a psychiatric hospital quietly run by a doctor called Warden (Robert Englund). Contained in this loony bin are six of the most awful, yet unknown serial killers of all times. They are doing experiments on these half dozen “patients” under the radar of all government interference. Meanwhile, someone got the great idea of building a horror attraction and since their properly is near to the old psych hospital, they decided to build six rooms based up on the actual stories of the six patients in the hospital. This strikes some people as in poor taste because they are based on real crimes, but the greedy owner thinks he’s got a gold mine. But with a little help, the six real serial killers escape and appalled at the mistakes in the attraction, take it over and man it themselves. Bodies start to pile up pretty quick in this B horror flick from last year.

Reading the last paragraph, you know it has to be cheezy and oh brother, is it cheezy. There are some pretty decent laughs, but the low budget effects show off how cheaply they had to make this movie. But surprisingly that seems to work for this movie about a really cheezy fun house. The gore factor is really up there, and they seem to have spent most of the budget on fake blood and body parts. The fun house itself looks like a real blast, and is typical of these type of Halloween Haunted Houses and such. They spent a few bucks to get Freddy Krueger himself in the role of Warden as Robert Englund (the guy who plays Freddie) has a small part in the beginning of the movie, and he gets to set everything up for us. Meanwhile, once the blood and guts start, it’s non-stop, but unlike many of these type of low budget gore fests, this one has some pretty decent characters. Two guys who play the washed up disk jockeys that show up to broadcast the event are a pretty funny pair most of the time, and their one lines, at least some of them, are real zingers. The whole thing is filled with love of people who simply like to make scary movies, and everyone works hard for the money. There is real humor in some of the gags, and though not all the “jokes” hit the mark, enough of them do to make it worthwhile. This is a horror film that is playing on Showtime this month, and is available on Netflix and a number of other places, so if you are looking for something for background scares at your party tonight, turn on The Funhouse Massacre, and enjoy it. I actually did. I can’t say this is a great film, but it’s bad enough, yet quality enough, to make it worth watching.

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