Ed's Review Dot Com

Parker Film Company, Luber Roklin Entertainment, Bossa Nova Productions

Adam Goldberg, Marley Shelton, Elon Bailey, Lucy Punch, Vinnie Jones, Zak Orth, Ptolemy Slocum, Michael Panes, Svetlana Efemova

I gotta get with my blogmaster to get a half star, or a ZERO stars, as giving this piece of  crap a whole star is like giving one of those guys on the side of the freeway exit a fifty for a bag of oranges.  It’s not worth it.

I recall one of the episodes of Penn & Teller’s Showtime series “Bullsh*t” where they went to a fancy restaurant in LA and sent the staff out to the back of the restaurant to fill up water bottles with the garden hose.  Then they brought it into the restaurant to sell for up to $8.00 a bottle to a sucker public who raved about the flavor of the water.  They were told it came from some glacier in Greenland and contained all these fabulous minerals.  Every one of the patrons raved about the quality of the water from a garden hose.

I feel like the kid from “The Emperor’s New Clothes”.   If you tell someone it’s expensive art, even if a chimpanzee painted it with his butt, someone is going to plunk down $50,000.00 and call it genius!

This film could have taken on this kind of B.S., but instead it truly is what it’s talking about.   I expected maybe some ridicule about the so called “art experts” who tell us what is art and what isn’t.   But instead, they seemed to take it seriously and it never did anything but show us what spoiled, nasty rotten, smug people these characters are.

One is a really bitchy art dealer.  One is a famous artist who can’t decide whether his works should be displayed closer together or farther apart to really show thier impact.  The other is a musician who bangs on pans, drops chains in a bucket and pounds away incessantly on a piano making a hell of a racket while a lady blows on a horn like a party favor.  They call this noise music, and of course the 15 people who showed up for the “concert” walk out in the first few minutes.

Sullen and dreary, he’s disappointed that people don’t enjoy his genius.  So both of them like the girl, but all of them are too stupid to have a real relationship. 

So I gave this piece of crap a chance.  I watched the whole thing, although I used Netflix Watch Instantly and didn’t waste a spot in my queue.  I hate people who review films they haven’t watched or when they say the turned it off after 10 minutes and then sent it back and wrote a review.  But this is one I really wish I had forgotten the review, and really turned it off after 10 minutes because it never got any better.  The opening weekend grosses on this film tell you how great it is.  It made a gross of $18,002.  

Now you can read reviews from people who give this 5 stars and rave that it’s the most relevant film ever made.  But I have to cry out as loud as I can.  The Emperor has no clothes.  The ones who made this film are laughing at the idiots who think there is any value to this in the least!  I can hear them laughing from here!

WARNING:  I do not know how to classify this junk, so I am choosing Music & Performing Arts but there is NO music I could recognize.    Art is in the eye of the beholder.  Yikes.

EdG – EdsReview Dot Com – A Movie Review Blog

Scott Rudin Productions,  Focus Features

Ben Stiller, Greta Gerwig, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Rhys Infans

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Marv Films

Aaron Johnson, Chloe Moretz, Nicholas Cage, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Mark Stron, Lyndsy Fonseca, Clark Duke, Evan Peters

In looking at the reviews of this movie, I found a lot of 5 Star super fans.  Apparently this is made from a real comic book or something, so maybe that is where the rabid fans came from.  If you are a huge fan of Kick-Ass, then feel free to jump into the comments section and try to convince me, cause I that it was terrible.  Not from the violence standpoint (it’s disconcerting for some people to see young kids in extremely violent situations and involved in drug use, etc which is far from the usual) because I can deal with that.  It’s not just because I’m not a big fan of Super Hero movies.   I yawned at  The Dark Knight, Spiderman 1,2,3,4 et. al, any of the The Dark Knight, Spiderman, Captain America, Wolverine, Justice League crap.  And it’s not because it’s really a nerdy teen movie, which I can deal with.  It’s just to me that this whole movie was just plain silly.   And not silly in a fun way.  Damon Wayans’ Blankman, although not great cinema, has a few good laughs in it, and is somewhat interesting.  But this junk just never started for me.

Trust me, the credits to me were far better than the movie, and perhaps they should have just considered releasing the credits and dropping the price a bit.   🙂

Nicholas Cage probably has the worst role I’ve ever seen him in since Birdy, which was a LONG time ago!  

Basically this is a story of a nerdy teen who can’t get the girl, but who thought it odd that nobody does pick up a costume and pretend to be a super hero.  So he tries it.   It doesn’t work out too well, but a little bit of luck and he inspires a whole bunch of fanatical freaks to copy him and join the team.   Then is when the fun is supposed to start, but but for me it never did.  Disney’s Spy Kids was a better story, and it’s a movie you could take kids to.  I don’t think you’d want to take kids under 16 to this one.

Now I know there are probably lots of you who love superhero movies, and may enjoy this, although no one actually IS a super hero or does anything extraordinary at all, and for you, I’m sorry for the negative review, but for me.  I’m sorry I even watched this.  I thought it was one of the worst I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Silver Nitrate

Bryan Callen, Noureen DeWulf, Mircea Monroe, Steve Glickman, Austin Michael Scott

Either you like these kind of movies, or you don’t.  If you do, this is just like the rest.  It takes on a lot of the latest movies, and the actors and impersonators are pretty much right on!   Exactly the same kind of jokes as all the rest, fart jokes, bathroom humor, even a tribute to the orginal American Pie!  Yoda’s here, Dr Phil, lots of others.

This one hits on a few of the cylinders, especially if you know all they movies they parody.  But it’s not as good as many of the others that have been out over the years.

I say,  “Eh”.  That’s about it.  If you’re a fan of these parody movies, then go for it.  If you’re easily offended, this is wall to wall offense!   Eh. Nah.