Low Budget Pictures
Billy Garberina, Meredith Host, A.J. Stabone, Kurt Indovina, Jessica Stephens, Jason McCall
Finally, a “film” so BAD it’s not even listed on IMDB! That’s a giveaway for sure. If you’re familiar with director (?) Chris Seaver, then you know what you’re in for. But this film has no nudity. Still it can gross out better than anyone. (The image of Dad pleasuring himself at the foot of his teen daughter’s bed is unfortunately something that won’t go away soon). It’s gross. The jokes are gross, and there’s a bunch of those “eeeww” moments for sure.
But this is not one of those movies that is trying hard to be good, and failing miserably. This is one which is trying to be AWFUL and succeeds grandly at that.
This is the story of “Stella” a teenager who has to move to some podunk town to live with her father. She meets some of the new kids in school. One catches her eye right away. He’s Edwin Mullin, Eraserhead hairdo and all! The Mullins are vampires and the meet to play frisbee because it’s awsome when vampires play frisbee. But love between Edwin and Stella is never consumated because Stella’s Dad gets in the way in one of the most disgusting scenes in movie history! Not to mention there are a clan of enemies of the Mullins who have a tendency to turn into wolves, but everyone thinks they’re dogs. They can also Moonwalk to beat the band.
This movie would get really irritating if went on too long, but Chris knows that, and cut it to 61 minutes. One hour of awful filmaking. There is no budget, so no special effects. Trying to imitate Edwins fantastic speed is really funny, and killing means throwing some red fluid on a tree trunk! Then there’s what happens when Vampires get into the sunlight! It’s amazing what happens, and all I’ll say is it involves lots of bubbles.
You would swear this was a bunch of 15 years olds with a borrowed video camera. But it’s not. This is the “studio” that brought us
- Terror at Blood Fart Lake
- Wet Heat
- Teenape Goes to Camp
- Destruction Kings
- Carnage for the Destroyer
- Heather and Puggly Drop a Deuce
- Heather and Puggly Crucify the Devil
- Filthy McNastier: Maximum Dousche
- Filthy McNastiest: Apocalypse F**k!
- Ghoulish Chronicles from Bonejack High
- Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape!
- 12 Inches of Dangling Fury
- Filthy McNasty
- Quest for the Egg Salad
- Scrotal Vengeance
- Anal Paprika 3: Menage-A-Death
- Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!
And of course, the newest, “I Spit Chew On Your Grave”
It’s funny how the reviews go of this film. Most people are horrified and try to give it Zero stars. It’s interesting because most of them say, “I turned it off after 5 minutes, or I couldn’t get past the opening scene. I don’t know how you write a review on something you haven’t seen. It’s like walking into Disneyland and seeing the tunnels under the train tracks and then walking out and saying, “It was the worst park I have ever seen! All that was there was a stroller stand, a bunch of turnstiles, a cheesy souvenier stand, a train station that you couldn’t get up to. It was the worst $70.00 I ever spent. I only stayed there for 5 minutes because there was nothing to do! But then again, people coming in to see quality aren’t going to see it.
But if you want to waste an hour watching something REALLY bad, this is it. And if you absolutely HATE Twilight, this will remind you of all the reasons they hate it. So whether you’re NOT team Edwin or NOT team Jack, if you hated Twilight, this is why. It’s out on Netflix “Watch Instantly” now.
